I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Yesterday at Gymboree I shared Shiloh's adoption story with everyone! When we joined I never mentioned it because a.) it never came up and b.) there was no reason to tell anyone. Also, it was nice to just be another mom and child pair; no adoption questions, no feeling different. That lasted for about 2 months until the questions started coming. Where does she (Shiloh) get her olive skin tone from, (I'm as white as white can be....Richard is for the most part also) who did she get those blue eyes from, how long were you in labor with her, etc. I'd answer those questions with as little information as possible and then quietly try to excuse myself from the group without anyone noticing. It seemed to work but as more questions were asked I started feeling more and more guilty about deceiving everyone. Fortunately yesterday's class topic brought up the perfect opportunity to share with everyone. All of the mommies were very suprisied but thought it was great. They asked a few questions and then we moved on. I feel so much better!
These past few weeks I've really come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be pregnant. For me it was never so much that I had to have a biological child...my genes probably aren't that great anyway...it was the never experiencing pregnancy part that would bring me to tears. Don't get me wrong. I still feel a little sad on the day's I go to Target for diapers and every pregnant woman in Athens is there but, I'll probably always feel that way. What's changed is that yearning feeling inside, the desire to become pregnant. The twinge of jealousy I would feel when thinking of my pregnant sister or any one of my mulitiple friends who has been pregnant in the last year seems to be gone. Of course, I would be absolutely ecstatic and beyond words if God ever did bless me with becoming pregnant but it's not something I think about on a daily basis anymore. I can honestly say I have given our infertility issues and my wanting to get pregnant to God. It's in his hands now for him to do his will with. I know I have already been blessed beyond measure with my daughter but I also believe that through God all things are possible. For now I'm just going to focus on keeping up with Shiloh and enjoy watching her grow into the beautiful, young lady I know she will be.