So, I know I still have a little over a month to go before Shiloh's first birthday but the emotions are already coming out. Last night, for the first time in many months, Shiloh woke up around 12:30 fussing. I was still awake (thanks, Olympics) so I was more than happy to get up, make her a bottle and rock her back to sleep. As I was sitting in the rocking chair awkwardly trying to rock her...she has such a long body....I was taken back to the first month after she was born. Every night, like clockwork, she would wake up from 12-4 or if I was lucky 2-4 and fuss. Thankfully, my mom and sisters were visiting the majority of that month so I had reinforcements but back to the story. Last night as I was holding her thinking back to that first month I tried picturing this tiny little baby in my arms and I just couldn't do it. I wanted so badly to return to that month with the patience and understanding I've gained since then and have that time with her back. As I was laying Shiloh back down in her crib I felt the tears swelling in my eyes.
It was then that it hit me. Exactly ten months ago I was in tears because this crying, little baby would not calm down and let both of us sleep. Last night I was in tears because I would have stayed up all night rocking her but now she doesn't fall asleep well when held so I had to lay her down once her bottle was finished. She's growing up too fast.