A Year Ago...

It just hit me that it was about this time (I don't remember the exact date) a year ago that we learned of our infertility. I still remember everything. I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room during Rich's biopsy...there was a large, loud family there waiting as well. They kept me very entertained. I remember Rich coming into the recovery room afterwards. He was still extremely out of it and kept flirting with the very pretty nurse assisting him. I very much so remember sitting in the doctor's office a week later...Rich and I were sitting in the two chairs in the room. He was sitting in the chair on the left and I the right, the doctor was across the room on his little stool. I remember him telling us the diagnosis, how rare it is, that it means our only options for children would be adoption or a sperm donor. I remember sitting there holding back tears, trying to be strong for Richard. We drove to the doctor's seperately that day and I remember pulling out of the parking lot in my jeep and bursting out into tears. I remember that was the only time I cried. I calmed down halfway home and told myself crying over it wouldn't change anything and we just needed to focus on adoption. The sooner we moved on the sooner we would have our baby. Looking back now, I don't believe that was a good idea. I think taking some time to grieve the loss of pregnancy would have been a good thing but who would have thought things would happen so quickly. On that day if someone were to have told me a year from then I would have a 5 month old daughter I would have laughed at them. So as much as I mourn the loss of ever becoming pregnant, I feel we have been truly blessed through this adoption because I'm sure Rich and I couldn't have created a more beautiful, happier, smarter baby if we tried! I truly believe she was handed down to us by God and I thank him every day for her.